House Upon the Sand

I am a foolish man. I took me a lot longer than I would have liked to realize that. Course it was about a year and a half ago when I figured that out. When you really think about that little primary song and how it can really relate, yep fits perfectly. Have you ever wondered what the sand stands for. Well for me it's almost always been music. There's been times where it may have temporarily switched, never for more than a month, but it's music. I've pretty much known I was going to do music from when I was a child. I can't give you a particular when, but it always has. With that, I've also relied on music more than anything else, family, friends, material objects, God, hardly ever. When I have a problem, for me there's nothing better than to express it in what I play, write down how it feels(in compositions of course) Whenever I feel lonely, angry, frustrated, happy, sad, bizarre, scared, there's nothing like tickling the ivories or blowing a few notes. I can't tell you how addicted I am to music. One person knows the BIG reason and no one else, and it'll stay that way.

Now when trying to build your house, it doesn't work when your main focus is on the sand. It may work for a period of time, but I tell you what, when those storms come, I'm sure my house got trashed more times than I'd care to admit. Of course, I'd pick up all the pieces and start all over in my vast sea of sand. Only to have it knocked down again.

A year and a half ago, this point was actually brought to my attention just how much I was delving into music. It actually bothered me quite a bit. A lot I should say. The only problem I had now, was what to do about it. For me that was a particularly hard question. Music is what I do whenever something goes wrong, so what happens when what you use to solve problems becomes the problem. Talk about frustrating.

Well, I went through my nine-month pregnancy. I guess I should explain that. I am a slow thinker, and think things through very carefully before I come to a conclusion. In almost every idea or change(my babies) that I make, it is always very close to nine months before I make my conclusion and change.

I found several sources of inspirations in order to help me what to do. One example I found was that of President Howard W. Hunter and what he did with music. Also I had to give a talk based on Elder Worthlin's Talk "Follow Me" from May 2002 Ensign. I know that talk was for me more than anyone else in that congregation.

After much thought and prayer, I decided to cast away my nets of music. That was probably the hardest decision I've ever made up to this point in my life. Getting rid of the most important thing in your life and longest you've known. You're probably wondering why I still do music then? I came to the conclusion that I could drop doing music for the rest of my life, if I had to do so. Before that point, if the Savior had asked me to stop playing music, I most likely would've said no. The bishop in my home ward happened to major in music and now works on cars instead, so I decided to pick at his mind and get his insight. So with this decision, I broke myself from my chains to music as far as relying on it.

This left me quite vulnerable. I had lost any type of foundation to build a house upon. I basically swam at sea for yet another nine months. I can't beleive I actually survived it. It was absolutely brutal, and at times I felt quite lost. Even other people could see it. I'm not one to show any type of emotion and people could tell something was up. In ways that bothered me more than anything else. I think it comes with me being fiercly indepedent, like the rest of my family. I think that's also why it took me nine months before I learned what I needed to do. My family takes PRIDE in being able to do everything on our own. So I guess I needed to be beat down to the point where I knew I couldn't do it on my own.

This past month, I finally found that foundation that I need to build upon and grasp ahold of. That in and of itself required a leap of faith on my part. I can feel the difference too. Anytime during the past year and a half when I would read scriptures and pray, I never felt a sense of permancy to it. I don't think that made sense. Basically if I stopped, I wouldn't have felt that it'd be a big deal, and whenever the floods came up, my shack would be thrown from it's shaky foundation. Now I feel a permanance to it. I can withstand those buffettings, and continue to build my house upon the rocks.