Caution Advised

So it's been quite a while since I've written anything on my blog, and that has several reasons behind it. The first is that I'm just way too busy, the second is that since I'm student teaching and that requires me to obey certain laws and when I become a teacher, I'd have to act in a certain professional manner. Which means I couldn't bash on something that I dislike a school system doing, or whatever a certain teacher, principal, etc. did. I decided not to divulge too much information starting now. On the other side, I don't have the time to write very much.

Now that isn't to say that student teaching is going bad or anything, it's going well. I have my bad days and good days, but overall I'm enjoying the experience and learning a ton as far as application to the classroom.

But teaching or saying that I'm too busy isn't my purpose right now. It's some venting, frustration, amusement, and satisfaction all rolled into one. More venting and frustration.

Lately, I've been quite frustrated with my brother's habit of putting content on the computer that I could care less to have on the computer. Especially when my girlfriend and I run across it. After cleaning the contents off the computer for about the third time, I decided to delete the program with which he was using to download it all. It was obviously done so that he would notice and get the picture that I do not want that stuff in my apartment and would like to maintain some semblance of a home as it should be.

The next day, I decided to play an online game, and it just so happens that Jon had spent the last three months on this game, and basically it was his life outside of the little bit he did with school and work. He probably had put 300+ hours into this game easily. Well, running low on sleep and common sense, I made it possible for the account to get hacked, and they basically went through and cleaned all of his characters out completely. Took all of his supplies, killed his characters and made them lose levels, etc. Whoops. Well, that wasn't good after I already was directly involved in one of his addictions, then I destroy his three months work with another addiction. He probably thinks I did that on purpose too, and in reality I did feel guilty about it, but it was something I felt he deserved. Too many times has he neglected any type of responsibility in place of a meaningless game. Too bad I can't get the kids to stop ordering pizza and fast food. Pizza about once every two days and fast food I suspect everyday. I tried buying a decent amount of food from the grocery store, yet he wasn't even phased by it. We had 20 pizza boxes stacked by Friday, and I think I had two or three pieces of it. When I specially told him that my girlfriend was coming over, he finally threw them out.

So now the amusing part. The next day, my brother put a password on the computer and wouldn't allow me on. Big surprise after what I did. To be fair, a couple of days later he put an option so someone can log on as a guest and have access to a few things. Most of the files are still available. You can't delete anything unless it's on the desktop, and you can't alter even a word document unless it's brought to desktop. I was just amused by all of this. Since I've become so busy, I don't have too much time to spend on the computer anyway, so it doesn't effect me much. It was annoying there for a while when I couldn't access my 20 pages of reflection notes on student teaching, not to mention I couldn't write up my lesson plans for a couple of days. That's some things I definitely need. It does provide other problems like not loading BlueBeta properly, pictures not downloading, programs opening wrong, etc.

The unfortunate part is that he didn't get the message at all(note I'm not surprised at all). The next time I see even a remote amount of crap on the computer, THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY. I will not tolerate it. The kid has so much more potential then what he shows. Why must he allow it go to waist and lead a fairly purposeless life compared to what I know he can accomplish? I try not to say anything, because I know if I say anything, I'll blow up in a bigger proportion than would ever be wanted, yet at this point he is forcing my hand. At some point I will say something and it will escalate, at this point it seems inevitable, and it will be totally wrong and harmful. Gee, you think I should take some preventive measures?

The other problem is I see his failure in life as my failure to help him as an older brother. Most of my frustration stems from, "What could I have done more?" And there's a lot I could have done better. Why can't I just be perfect seems to be the main thought that has run through my head for the past month. I wish I understood the atonement better than I do. It would make life so much easier.