Dispair
I don't know what it is about today, but I've had a totally pessimistic view of life. Through church I was thinking of all the times that I've set my goals, and failed, set them and failed. This continuous cycle of trying and failing through a variety of things that I do to try to improve myself. I thought of how much each of us is resistent to change. Perhaps most people can change for the better without this constant companion of failure. Somehow, I just don't see all that many people trying hard to change.
Today in priesthood they were talking about the whatever the subject was. It was about being nice, but that's really not all that relavent to what I'm talking about. It's more the idea that they bring up a subject that they need to work on, and hey, let's face it, all of us need to work on every aspect of the gospel, because I doubt we're perfect in any of it. So they bring up whatever subject, we learn about it, finish the lesson, and there you have it. We may say, "That was a good lesson" or "Yes, I need to do better at that" or what-not, but how many of us truly take it to heart? Do we go home that day, and find a way to consciously apply that into our lives, day after day? I seriously doubt very few of us do. I felt just... stagnant. No push to change and pattern my life after Christ.
Then again, I think I'm just being pessismistic. I think it comes from finishing school, and unable to really put structure into my life. I do terrible without structure in my life, and I don't seem to be able to set it myself. So this is pretty much based off my mounting frustrations of life and my inability to change myself to improve, and applying it to the rest of the world. Sorry world, hopefully your better than my view for you.
posted by Trueblat @ 10:30 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
I sometimes have that feeling too - or at least a feeling similar enough that I can relate to what you're saying. I sometimes think that I commit myself to changing far more often than I actually do change. Or when someone tells me that they're going to start working on such-and-such a goal, I try to be encouraging and optimistic, while secretly wondering just how long it's going to last. I don't trust myself to make a long-term change, and have a hard time trusting other people to make long-term changes (and am therefore pleasantly surprised when they do).
But that's the pessimistic side of me (and I think I am mostly an optimistic person). When I start feeling that way, I take small comfort in the knowledge that I don't always feel that way, so therefore these thought's can't be entirely valid. And then every once in awhile I'll look at my life and realize that, even though I still feel like I've been setting a particular goal and failing and resetting that particular goal and failing again, over and over and over...part of the reason for my continued feeling of failure is that I have been gradually setting my standards higher and higher in the process, that I actually have made progress in that goal overall and it therefore hasn't been entirely worthless.
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