Sleep

I despise my ability, or inability, for that matter, to sleep. I just don't get how I can never truly get on a regular sleeping schedule to save my life. It's a constant struggle to attempt to correct. Since I still haven't corrected the time on my blog, it's 2 A.M. right now. I've got an 8:00 A.M. class, with homework due, but I can't do it because I need the music library computers to complete the assignment on. I don't think I've ever really covered this subject on my blog, so I guess now's a good time to write about it. I put a couple of comments on the 100 hour board about it once. Somebody about a year and a half ago wrote something about having to go to class with lines on his face from his pillow or what-not. He was lamenting this fact. I posted under a different name, I don't remember which, that he should consider himself lucky. I wish and wish that that is all I have to deal with. I fall asleep easily during the day, and can't sleep during the night. Some of it was probably self-imposed from bad habits early on, but you'd think I could break them. I slept a lot through high school days, I think averaging 2 to 3 hours a day during school. I've slept in every possible position, had every type of prank pulled, so many drawings, marks, drool, etc. I've fallen asleep at the wheel about 8 times. Once for half an hour, and one time I wrecked. After that wreck, I'm much more careful about pulling over and sleeping no matter what the situation may be.

So now, it's college and I try to adhere to some type of schedule, yet my schedule is always ruled by my sleep or lack of it. I can't maintain any degree of consistency for longer than a week, if even that. No matter how hard I try to stay awake through classes, it won't ever happen. I can show you some very illegable notes of my attempts to stay awake through class, and just end up falling asleep and drawing lines across my papers as I sleep. Last night, I got eight and a half hours of sleep, the longest period of sleep I've had in at least two weeks. I still ended up dozing off without being able to control it at all. It was only 20 minutes. Now I sit here, completely awake at 2 A.M. I've fallen asleep while practicing before. Actually physically blowing a note into my tuba, and falling asleep. Monday, while helping out with an afterschool program, I sat down, and dropped while kids are running all around me. Just sometime I wish I could stay awake through the day, and sleep well during the night. When I actually start teaching, that's going to be interesting. Will I be able to go a full day of teaching for weeks on end, without suddenly dropping off right in front of kids.

I know my brother's been diagnosed with some type of sleeping disorder, and I'm probably just as bad. I don't know if I'm worse or he's worse. Our vehicles did have matching gaurdrail marks from where we both fell asleep at the wheel on highways. Who knows? Maybe a lot more people deal with this than I realize, but it is annoying.