Ahh... life

I have so many thoughts running through my head that I have no clue where to begin. Perhaps one of the many things on my mind a lot as of late. My girlfriend and I broke up. She broke up with me last Sunday, and I didn't offer any type of response for or against us breaking up. I had known at the time that it was the right thing to do and I'm glad she could see that better than I could. Yet those feelings still exist on both sides. I told her that night that I needed time to think and I'll give her a call when I'm ready. Unfortunately, I take a long time to think and it will probably be May before I'll contact her.

Between this, my last post, and more things going wrong, it was time to visit 'home'. With my mom dead, home is no longer home, so 'home' is now my sister's place. I spent one week pondering the events of my life, not just socially, but religeously, physically, educationally, everything. With everything not working right, it did lead to one very good thing happening. For the first time in a long time, I RELIED on God. I had nothing else I could turn to. While it's sad to say that I have to be compelled to rely on God, it is still very worthwhile. One of my first scripture study sessions in all of this was peace. I have acheived a little bit of that, actually more than I had thought that I could.

My sister's house is on the outskirts of a small town, so we're surrounded by woods and trails. Between trail-running and longer hikes, it gave my oppurtunities to think and pray and settle matters in my mind. I stopped on three different peaks to ponder the mysteries of my life and try to come to terms with it. In ways I feel that now that I've graduated college, my real education begins. Which reminds me, I finally received my graduation certificate in the mail last week. In some ways I feel it is worthless at this point, but we'll see.

My sister and I were talking at one point, and I stated how surprised I was that the girl I was dating didn't get asked on dates more often before I had asked her out. She mentioned that she had certain quirks. Well I figured it helps to point out peoples' quirks to pull them off of the pedistal of perfection that they are on when you date somebody. We couldn't ever exactly place what it was, and our speculations only confirmed that her quirks and my quirks complement each other. Well that totally backfired. Knowing that we needed to break up doesn't make this any easier. I'm just glad that as of late, I have some peace of mind and found a direction in life that I feel I can follow and that I chose with the Lord's help.

So here's hoping to better times...