Unbalanced

This once was a cause of concern for me almost three years ago. My obsession for music borders on the unhealthy at some points. It's not just the amount of time I spend with it. In fact that's not really my concern. My concern falls under my love for it. I go to some activity where I'm supposed to socialize, and I will do two things. I will discuss music with you, or I will find a piano or some place where I can enjoy music without having to be interacting with human beings. I do not talk to human beings just for that sake, I talk to them with the intent to discuss music. I made some decisions to try to curb the worst of my tendancies to do this.

Dating somebody has helped, granted, only when I liked the girl as much as music. There was one girl that I had dated for a couple of months, and finally I told her with as much finesse as I could that I would prefer to play music than do anything with her. This is true for just about anyone though. Very few people would enter into the catogory of me liking them more than music.

I find myself doing this all over again. Instead of talking to people, I prefer to go find pianos and play. Everyone who comes up and talks to me, automatically mentions something that refers to music, because that's the way I want it, and I never talk about anything else. One comment recently while I was playing for a wedding at the church was that if there wasn't any music for me to do at church, I would never show up. Okay, yes, that is an exageration. I would go regardless. I just wouldn't hang around the church to play piano since that's my access to a piano right now. I spend about 3 times the amount of time at church than I need to just for the use of the piano.

I send out two to three e-mails a week going over my daily life for my family to read. I recently received something from my aunt asking about my social and dating life because I never wrote about that. Well, I guess there is a reason I never wrote about it. It doesn't exsist because I would prefer to stay with my music from an emotional standpoint. From an intellectual and spiritual standpoint, I know that isn't something I should be doing, yet I do. Now I just need to decide what I'm going to do about it before it gets really bad.