Why do I have to be so freakin' music majorish?

First off, a comment about Benvolio's last post. I'm probably one of those people who let's too much be known. I guess I really don't care who knows what about me. It's not like they'd be able to take advantage of me in some way or hurt me in any way possible. Even my credit is apparently already ruined because last time I tried to get a credit it wouldn't let me have one because I already have one and I'm way in debt. I've never even had a credit card. I even had a collector call me up once, to which I replied I've never owned one. Yes, I'll correct that someday, but I really don't feel the need to right now. Anyway, after that sidenote, back to subject at hand. Yes, I post stuff that probably shouldn't be posted here, but I generally have an optimistic attitude that people will be generally nice and not do stupid things to hurt others. Yes, I still think that way, although a lot less after my mission. Now onto a post that probably shouldn't be written or read. Read at your own risk.

By the way, I'm really pissed off as I sit here and kill the keyboard, I already pounded out some frustration on the piano and my tuba(no, I wasn't pounding on my tuba, true blat comes to mind though), although I didn't seem to have the air support without a proper warmup. There I freakin' go again. Wow, I can't even keep my thoughts in line I'm so ticked. Okay, from the beginning. I go to FHE, and afterwards I'm planning on practicing. No big deal. So a girl that I've mentioned in previous posts that I thought about asking out and never did caught me on the way out the door. She says, "Hi, how's it going?" Me... "Alright. I'm going to practice because....(me being stupidially music majorish)." When we finish our very brief conversation, she ends with, "I'll see you later, I don't want to keep you from your practicing." with a very mocking tone. Why this is pissing me off so much, I don't know. Just how many people at church view me as a weird obsessed music major who probably likes music better than any of us here? Am I pissed off because she feels that way... no. I'm mad at myself... really mad. I try, and try, and try not to be so obsessed with music, would I rather go out to a movie with people from church, or play music? Unfortunately probably play music. How people view me probably is true. Perhaps that's why it pissed me off so much. It's true. At FHE, I sit at the piano the entire time, I won't move from it. I play with the keys and run songs through my head. I become excited figuring out chord structures to songs that I had screwed up afterwards while everyone else is talking and socializing. I get up and walk out without a word to anyone till that girl. It shouldn't bother me yet it does. Or is it good that it finally does bother me? Oh... and then when I get pissed off, what do I do... play music. All I ever do is play, live, talk about, breathe music. When is it going to end? Whoever marries me will get sick of music, that's for sure. I will never get burnt out, I may switch between what I enjoy about music and my philsophies of music, but will I ever stop this insanity about music? AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Sorry, I'm a little too... make up any word(s) you wish to put here. I probably shouldn't post this like Benvolio probably thinks I shouldn't, but oh well. I haven't kept a journal for over 3 years now, so this is my journal.

I'll be better in the morning.