Stagnant

This word sums up how I currently feel. Ever since the end of that long-term subbing job, this is the exact word that I’ve felt ever since. I just haven’t felt very much direction in my life as of late. Since I’ve decided a career change is in order, and I’m in that transition stage, I felt as if life has stopped. Don’t worry, I’m still planning on something in music, just not teaching. I’m still doing some subbing occasionally, but it is incredibly rough on me. The thought of failure at anything is about the toughest thing for me to handle, and usually stresses me out even more. I’ve been so stressed with this, that my jaw has started to have problems again.

The other reason I feel this way is because I’m just not that busy otherwise. I’m used to staying at school, learning, practicing, going to classes, etc. Now I do occasional subbing jobs, visit my sister, and look a little bit of what I’m going to do in the future. The problem with that is that it’s just so draining to try to be self-motivated and having no external factors come into play. It’s like being jobless over the summer, which unfortunately has happened quite a bit for me.

I’m hoping that will change this Wednesday. I’ve got an unofficial interview with a gentleman in the profession that I’m currently looking into. Basically discuss what my options can be over the next little while. Hopefully I can end this stagnant part of my life and find the direction I need to go with this.