Frustrating

So in light of everything that has happened this week, I still managed to get more done this week than any other week this semester(outside of practicing). I manage to joke around and maintain a positive attitude around others about my shoulder and everything going on. I haven't fallen behind on a single assignment yet, including all the reading assignments you don't get graded on in every class. I'm completely caught up. I'm doing all that I can to remain productive and accomplish everything I set out to do, yet I still feel it's not enough.

I teach my lesson in Institute, and what a very mediocre lesson it was. I hang around afterwards for an hour to try to get hometeaching done only to find out that it won't work and I've wasted an hour when I could be reading two chapters and write my three page summary for class tommorrow. I've been going since 8 A.M. this morning, trying to do all I can, and it is not enough. Everyone around me is amazed that I'm doing as well as I am, completing everything, biking everywhere in a sling, remaining upbeat, twice I've been called a trooper.

You'd think I feel good at being productive and accomplishing all that I can, yet privately I just feel that my outcomes weren't the best. Stupid overacheiving fool. Accept that you've done the best you could and be happy about.

Not the best pep talk I've given myself considering it didn't work.

I'm once again am seriously considering to have surgery again. The only problem is that the last chance I have to do it will be this summer. That will mean it will be the third summer in a row without some sort of steady job. I wish my shoulder would be normal, that I could do all the normal things I want to without fear of bad things happening. Will surgery help? 95% success rate the first time, and I'm the 5% failure. Will another shot be the right choice? I going home this weekend to talk it over and to get a much needed haircut from my mom. Yes, I'm cheap.