My dating philosophy(or lack thereof)

So tonight after institute I end up talking to This Girl(who will now forever be called This Girl for the purposes of this blog) for quite a few hours. From 9 till 10:30, then we hung out and did things mostly as a group, yet continued to talk just to each other most of the time till 1 A.M. As this is a school night, I wouldn't have normally done this, especially since I have a two page report and another hour of practicing to do. But as it is All-State and the KMEA(Kentucky Music Educator's Association) convention, all my classes but one are cancelled and I can do catch-up.

So now I come to the decision of whether I should ask This Girl out or not. I was talking with my brother last weekend where he teased me about not going on any dates. I mentioned about the one girl who I had some interest in, decided it wouldn't work out, and never bothered with the situation. He felt that wasn't good enough and that I should at least give a girl a chance by at least going on one date with them.

So I've been thinking on the subject recently(read tonight). If I follow the trend of the last girl I was interested in, I would ponder about the situation, find some way it wouldn't work out and decide not to ask her out. This would be true of probably any girl that I had some type of interest no matter what, when I think about it. I think the answer to this problem lies elsewhere than in my pondering too much. It's not because I'm afraid to ask them out, or the feeling that I'd be rejected. I think the answer lies with the last girl I dated two years ago.

So in this relationship that lasted two months, she was working while I was going to school. She had a vehicle and money, while I had my bike only, and little cash. When we would go out, she'd usually end up paying or being the one driving, or in any situation, it seemed the typical roles of guy and girl dating were reversed, and this bothers me. It makes me feel inaddaquate. I feel that I wouldn't be able to give her what I feel a girl deserves in a relationship. I think that was part of it. Another part outside of the material aspect of things, I was really busy and kept my priorities focused on my schooling and musicianship. I felt that on all other levels that should be in a relationship, I could not provide what I feel a girl would need or want.

I think I still hold myself to that view. I feel I could never provide for those things that I feel are important in a relationship, therefore I don't date, and hide it under excuses about why I wouldn't date so-and-so.

Yes, I'm probably one of those people who look at a dating situation as a potential marriage, not so much because of the marrying aspect, but because I would rather not have to date somebody to find out if she's the one. I'd rather look at the person, say I'm going to marry you, and be done with it. It's much less time-consuming. All or none, baby, that seems to be the way I look at life. None of this halfway stuff.

So these are aspects I need to work on to shift around a little. I really should ask This Girl out. Will I? I don't know yet. I should.

I just have to laugh at something I find funny. That was retorical. Most people would go home and write about how cool and nice and funny so and so is. I come home and write my screwed views of my dating life. So for those of you who are sappy and what-not, the following statement will be as sappy as I'll get:

For the first time in a long while, I smiled so much that my cheeks were actually tired talking to This Girl.

I won't even go into what we talked about, so don't ask.